still waiting & still welcoming

 

Over the past week Alec and I have waded through quite a few big emotions and we have welcomed

each one, offered them a cup of tea and then as my Ivorian friends say ‘offer them the road’ when it was

time for them to leave.

On Tuesday June 14th, I had the honor of being a doula for one of my dearest friends in the world. My 3am friend. My ‘when stuff hits the fan’ friend. My cheesy, romantic show viewing companion.

When she told me 10 months ago that she was pregnant, we both experienced some big emotions. Of course excitement, joy and gratitude were amongst them, but also the big kindergarten feeling of ‘but that’s not fair!’. She graciously held space and shed tears for Alec and I (some of that was hormones, but it still counts) as we continued to wait while she and her husband prepared to welcome.

In the midst of her long labor, she checked in several times to see if we had heard back from S&S yet (the embryo donors). She held space for the complexity and she stood with me with one foot in joy and one foot in grief. 

The rest of her birth story and the nitty gritty details are her’s to share, BUT I have one more moment I get to process through these keys. Her and her equally amazing husband decided it was the best choice for them for me to accompany her for her c-section. I balanced being completely in awe of the process and cheering on my friend with big tears resting in my eyes. 

Once her little one was all bundled up, she was passed off to me. ME. I held her, cherished her and spoke life over her while the nurse fed her the expressed colostrum her momma worked hard to prepare. The only big feeling in that moment was absolute disbelief.

The next day, this dear friend shared with her daughter ‘Auntie Tiffany is extra special because she was the first one to hold you’. What an absolute honor and what a special something that I get to have between just me and baby E.

Just several hours after welcoming that little one alongside her parents, Alec and I found out that our wait continues. S&S decided that embryo donation isn’t the right fit for them and they chose to remove themselves from the program. Real talk? The timing SUCKED. Alec and I were both so so bummed. And the beautiful thing is our friends were also so so bummed on our behalf as they held their tiny, noisy, gift. They also made space and said out loud the big kindergarten feeling of ‘that’s not fair!’. They had one foot in joy and one foot in grief.

But, I was reminded by this tiny new friend that I get to ‘auntie’ and be a spiritual momma in this season with more intentionality. I get to have the heart of a momma and the brain clarity and rest to be able to check in on my parenting friends and be sure they are well and offer respite when they are not. And Alec gets to hold babies in the center of his chest and sing them to sleep while holding space for their dads and simultaneously make me swoon and fill up my camera roll.

So, all that to say, we are still waiting and we are also welcoming. Welcoming the babies in our community. Welcoming the changes alongside our friends. Welcoming the timing that Christ has for us to reveal His good, good plan. Welcoming any miracles that may be in store.

If we all thought that S&S was the absolute best, can you imagine what Christ has cooked up? Alec and I are PUMPED! 

Will you continue to pray for patience in our eager expectancy? Can you pray for those chilly little embryos that are waiting for us? Can you pray that we continue to embrace the waiting and the welcoming in this season?

*We also applied for a fertility grant for $5,000 and we will hear back the first week of August if we were selected. Can you also pray for the folks making the impossible decision of who gets funding to grow their family?

Thanks for following along and caring deeply for our little family. I have a feeling this kid will have the BIGGEST birthday party with love and celebration from the multitude of folks who cheered them on from the very beginning.