Spring Behind the Scenes

 

The past few months have been a little quiet, but that was on purpose, remember? Alec and I decided that we would keep the transfer date a surprise (only a handful of folks knew!) and then we could take the time to lean in to each other. 

So, let me fill you in on what has gone on in the past few months!

As you may recall, our sweet little embryos arrived in Portland on February 14th - the very chilliest Valentines! From there, it was full steam ahead! On February 26th I took my last birth control pill and a few days later I did blood work that confirmed my ovaries were happily hibernating. On March 4th - shots began! At first it was just twice a week in the evening around 9pm. Shots happened to begin during tech week of Seussical the musical, so Alec and I had a few hot dates in the single user/ gender neutral restroom at the local high school. Another fun memory for the baby book!

On March 15th I went in for an ultrasound to check on how my uterus was responding. The goal of the medications was for the lining of my uterus to thicken just the right amount. With a little medication adjustment along the way, my doctor confirmed that my uterus was a very cozy home for an embryo! 

March 22nd marks the beginning of a shot every night and on Mondays and Thursdays, double shots! Alec bravely stepped into his role as shot administrator and I am forever grateful to him for that. Every night around 9 pm, I gather up the syringes, bandaids, gauze and alcohol pad and then we turn on worship music. As I lay on the bed with my behind exposed, Alec calmly counts to three to give me a little time to breathe and prepare. Now that we are several months into shots, my poor booty has seen better days. Some spots are numb and there are plenty of little bruises, but hey - no one else is looking so I’m not worried about it ;)

In the midst of all of this we bought our home. We have been renting the home we are in for a little over a year and the landlord decided he wanted to sell it and fast! SO, as we navigated fertility appointments, medication dosages, and surprise keeping, we were also navigating inspections, appraisals and learning loan lingo. Alec’s parents were so kind to us in helping us navigate this and our real estate agent shared with us that he and his wife grew their family through IVF and they donated their remaining embryos to a family who needed them. How amazing is that?! On March 25th, we signed the MANY papers at the title company and then went out to dinner to celebrate. 

March 26th was the BIG day - transfer day! Alec and I were in cahoots with a dear friend to take my mom out and about for the day so that she would be surprised when the news came. We left home for one last acupuncture appointment and then it was off to the clinic.

I wore my ‘Yay! It’s Transfer Day!’ tee shirt and Alec was quickly given his blue, surgical bunny suit (think dad going into a c-section outfit). They gave me a delightful medication to help my muscles (and my mind) relax. I was definitely zen Tiffany! Our amazing doctor came in, checked to see if we had any questions and then it was show time! 

They rolled me back, and we got to see the first photo of our little babe - just 5 days old and hatching like a pro. The embryologist talked to us through a little window that reminded me of a drive through window and she happily shared that the thawing of our little embryo went just as she hoped and it was just what she likes to see. Then she passed the precious cargo through the little window to our doctor who slowly and steadily did her thing. As she did what she is so very skilled at, Alec played ‘Here Comes the Sun’ on his phone - which is what we walked back up the aisle to at our wedding. And in no time at all, that tiny little embryo was out of the fancy straw and inside of me!

They wheeled me back to our little room and I confirmed that I could not in fact pee out the little embryo (gotta get those anxieties out of the way people!). After a few minutes of laying down and taking it easy, it was time to go home and wait.

That same afternoon, we received a call that all the paperwork and financing went as expected and we were officially homeowners! 

March 26th is a very important day that we will get to celebrate every year, maybe with a little trip to the beach :)

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Just like anyone else who is trying to get pregnant (or not trying for that matter) there is about a two week wait to know if that tiny little something stuck. Thankfully we only had to wait 10 days since our embryo had a 5 day head start! 

The next 10 days were filled with a sudden onset of exhaustion, breast soreness and nausea. We tried not to get too excited because the hormone medications have very similar side affects. Alec and I did fun little dates and activities to try and stay busy and distracted, but it was not easy! Alec channeled his anxious energy into hanging up shelves in our kitchen and reorganizing the garage. Since we owned the home, he could finally put some holes in the wall without hesitation!

On Friday April 8th, it was time to find out if we had a sticky bun. We made a plan to go to the beach for the night after I got my blood work done at the fertility clinic. That way, whatever the news, we could process it just the two of us. So, we stopped by my favorite bakery just several blocks from the clinic, grabbed our breakfast treats and hit the road!

As we were lunching at my favorite beach spot Public Coast Brewing (GF fish and chips!), we got the call. We were expecting it several hours later, so it caught us a bit off guard. I swallowed my bite of food and anxiously answered the phone. My sweet navigator from the fertility clinic said ‘I have really great news for you - you’re pregnant!’ and I responded ‘I bet this is your favorite part of your job!’ Alec knew then (along with the big smile on my face) that it was great news and his french fries got a little saltier (and soggier) ;) 

After we finished eating, we went to the nearest drug store and bought a pregnancy test. We went back to our hotel and watched the result pop up like magic! I then promptly took a nap.

Our best friends happened to be just one beach town away and we were able to surprise them and share our exciting news - it was the best! 

The next few weeks were filled with confusion, imposter syndrome and heaps of gratitude. Being told you're pregnant after so many negative results and closed doors for years really does a number on you! But hearing that tiny little shrimpy baby’s heartbeat was absolutely wild and definitely helped things feel more real. And of course counseling helps with the processing of things. 

Every day I am working on holding the reality of gratitude and discomfort. Not just the discomfort of pregnancy that many women encounter (nausea, brain fog, exhaustion, indigestion, etc.) but also the discomfort of donor conception. There is so much more mystery and lack of control that I am facing that I didn’t quite anticipate. What will they look like? What attributes are nature and which are nurture? How will I feel when I am told they have my *fill in the blank*?

So many questions that I don’t have the answers to and that is terribly uncomfortable! BUT, I am working on making space for that discomfort while being so overwhelmed with gratitude. Just several years ago I had no idea what embryo donation/adoption was, and now Alec and I get to be parents because of it! 

So, here I am on Mother’s Day, officially on my way to motherhood. I have shed so many tears today (thank you, hormones) and I am sure many more will fall. Tears of gratitude and absolute disbelief that this is real life. In the midst of Advent, my very favorite time of year, I will get to welcome my baby to the world. God is so extra sometimes and I just sit flabbergasted by His kindness.

This week marks 9 weeks of Baby Martinez and they are the size of a grape! And Tuesday marks our official first appointment outside of the fertility clinic - we’ve graduated! 

Thank you all for your earnest prayers, kind words, generous sprinkling of baby dust and all the good vibes you sent our way. This tiny little grape sized baby is already so loved and we are blessed to call you all our community. 

Keep an eye out here for periodic updates and a space for me to share my big thoughts and feelings as they emerge over the next handful of months.

With love,

Tiffany Martinez, Momma to Be